Money isn’t just numbers on a spreadsheet. It’s safety, freedom, self-worth—and, for many women going through divorce, a whole lot of shame. In my recent conversation with Shari Rash—nationally recognized financial advisor, money mindset expert, and host of Everyone’s Talking Money—we explored how women can reclaim their financial confidence during and after divorce.

Shari’s first piece of advice? Start dating your money. “You need to understand your money,” she told me. “Understand what you have, how it’s invested, where it’s going. Does it align with your values?” She suggests creating a comfortable environment—lighting a candle, pouring a glass of wine or a cup of coffee—and spending time with your bank statements, investments, and spending habits. This simple ritual sets the foundation for financial empowerment.

Another powerful shift is recognizing that limiting beliefs around money often aren’t ours to begin with. Women are frequently told—explicitly or implicitly—that they’re “bad with money.” Shari explained that 94% of women will, at some point, be the sole financial decision-maker due to divorce, widowhood, or never marrying. Yet the financial services industry still speaks largely in a “male” language of performance and percentages, leaving women feeling excluded. “It’s not our fault,” Shari reminds us. “We’ve been taught that money isn’t our job. But you can learn to see money as a tool for your goals—not a measure of your worth.”

This isn’t just about spreadsheets—it’s about values. Many women assume budgeting is the only way to manage money, but Shari argues that traditional budgets fail 70% of people. Instead of line-item budgets that rarely reflect real life, she suggests setting guardrails—pay yourself first, then spend what remains according to what matters most to you. “If your value is travel, but you’re spending all your money at Target, something’s misaligned,” she said.

For women in the midst of divorce, Shari recommends hiring a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) before or during the process. Just as you hire a lawyer, you need someone to help you understand your assets and advocate for your financial future. If you’re post-divorce, money dates and aligning spending with your values are the first steps to rebuilding confidence.

Most importantly, this work isn’t about deprivation. It’s about freedom. “My goal isn’t to get you to love money,” Shari said. “It’s to help you feel neutral about it.” Neutrality opens the door to clarity, which opens the door to power. And as I always tell my clients: power in divorce isn’t about controlling others—it’s about reclaiming yourself.

If you’re ready to feel confident and informed about your finances, start with a money date. One evening, one statement at a time, you’ll begin to see that you’re more capable than you’ve been led to believe.