When we think of leadership, we often picture boardrooms, not breakups. But after my recent conversation with executive leadership coach and consultant Blair Glaser, I’ve been thinking differently—because what Blair teaches about leadership and teams maps beautifully onto what I see working for my clients during and after divorce.

When you’re navigating grief, co-parenting, communication breakdowns, and a total identity reset, what you need isn’t just more emotion processing. You need a framework. You need structure. You need to lead—not just others, but yourself.

Here are four powerful ways to do just that.

1. Create a Clear Vision for Your Divorce

Most people don’t enter divorce with a vision—they’re just trying to survive. But creating a simple “logline” for this new chapter changes everything. Blair encourages couples to clarify what they’re doing together in their relationship. I encourage my clients to do the same—even if you’re the only one showing up with clarity.

What do you want this divorce process to feel like? What kind of co-parenting relationship do you want to build? What will anchor you when things get messy? One client of mine landed on: “We are raising calm, connected kids through respectful parallel parenting.” That became her North Star—and it made every hard decision clearer.

2. Reassign and Redefine Roles

As Blair puts it, leadership in relationships isn’t about “power over”—it’s about clarity. In intact partnerships, we fall into patterns (she handles the school forms, he’s the fixer, etc.). In divorce, those patterns fall apart—and need to be rebuilt intentionally.

Blair calls this a “role audit.” What were you in charge of? What did your ex handle? What needs to be delegated, re-learned, or renegotiated now that you live in separate homes?

You might decide: I’ll be CFO of logistics—school apps, medical portals, calendars. You’ll take the lead on sports and transportation. Whatever the arrangement, naming it reduces chaos—and keeps the focus on the kids.

3. Learn to Navigate Conflict Like a Leader

We often think of conflict as something to avoid or survive. But in Blair’s framework, conflict is inevitable—and strategic. It’s not about avoiding emotion. It’s about knowing what kind of fights are worth having, and how to have them without destroying the connection (or your sanity).

Use ground rules: no name-calling, no “always” or “never” statements, pause when flooded, and resume with a plan. Pre-empt tense moments (like custody exchanges) with structure: “If this gets heated, we switch to the app, focus on logistics only, and revisit later.”

Pattern recognition matters. If fights keep happening at the same time or about the same issue, it’s a signal—not a failure.

4. Hold a “Maintenance Meeting” (With Yourself or Your Co-Parent)

Just like a car or a company, your post-divorce life needs regular check-ins. Blair recommends a “maintenance” ritual once or twice a year—especially for co-parents.

Start with what’s working. Then: what needs to shift? Where are the friction points? What roles need revisiting? Even if your ex isn’t interested in doing this with you, you can still reflect—and bring that intentionality into your parenting dynamic.

The Most Important Leadership Move? Lead Yourself.

This was my biggest takeaway from Blair’s work: yes, you’re leading your family through a huge transition—but you also need to lead yourself through it.

Blair puts it simply:
“How do I want to lead myself through this grief—and through this opening?”

That’s the question I want you to sit with this week. Not “How do I fix everything?” Not “What’s wrong with them?” But: How do I choose to show up, even here?

That’s leadership. And it’s how you begin to move from survival to stability.