So You’ve Decided to Get Divorced. What Now?

Whether you made this decision or it was made for you, here you are. So what do you do now? Lawyer up, right? 🙅🏼‍♀️ Wrong 🙅🏼‍♀️ “Lawyer up” is the most dangerous advice you can take from anyone, especially someone who doesn’t know the ins and outs of your specific marriage and divorce. As soon as you “lawyer up” you […]


Valentines Day in Divorce

I remember my first Valentine’s Day after my divorce. My ex had a girlfriend, and the guy I’d been seeing had dumped me a month before on a trip to Big Bear, hours before having to drive down the windy mountain in a rainstorm. We hadn’t had breakfast (because get me the fuck off this mountain), and I’m really sensitive […]


The Shifting of Primary

After our divorce, while we each dated other people, my ex and I still did holidays together, went to the theatre together, and had family dinners together. After all we’d been through we were now close, and as he began to date I took on the awkward yet esteemed role of First Wife. I’d befriend his girlfriends. Partly because it […]


An Open Letter To Your Ex

Many moms tell me that their ex simply won’t collaborate with them. It breaks my heart to see people who are otherwise mentally stable, intelligent people refuse to put their own resentments aside in service of what might truly be best for their children. {I also have a lot of women come to me who are divorcing malignant narcissists, and […]


How To Do Holidays In Divorce

Holidays in divorce can suck holy hell. There’s the loneliness factor, the confusion factor, the “Fuck-do-I-really-have-to-collaborate-with-the-one-person-who-stresses-me-out-the-most?” factor. There’s the who’s-traveling-when factor, the “But-will-I-still-get-to-see-my-in-laws?” factor, the “Who-do-I-buy-presents-for-now?” factor. And the worst factor of all: Will I wake up alone on Christmas morning? While I can’t answer all of these questions for you specifically, there are a few ways you can make […]


How the Litigation System is Designed to Screw You

Whether your split is amicable or not, if you’re separating from a mentally stable, otherwise reasonable person, there are steps you can take to keep it from going completely off the rails. Conversely, there are ways that the system is set up to be sure that it does… and all those ways benefit the system itself. When I first split […]


Four Steps To A Harmonious Divorce

This is my 4-step process for having a harmonious divorce. This is not magic, nor is it possible in all cases. It will require hard work, but if both parties are willing, this process can be collaborative, rather than combative. Step 1 – Find a good coach or therapist I once met a man who had been separated for about […]


How To Be An Effective Coparent in Divorce

While I originally wrote this piece for single moms and divorce, it is just as pertinent to all parents. Read between the lines… Let’s face it, co-parenting in divorce can be a bitch. I mean, you divorced this person, right? Which means that you likely had a really hard time communicating, sharing values, not scratching each other’s eyes out with […]