Getting out of an abusive or controlling relationship is only the first step. So many people think, “Once I leave, I’ll feel better right away.” But the truth is, your nervous system may be stuck in survival mode long after the relationship ends.

I see this constantly: people who are technically free — living in a new home, signing divorce papers — but still living in a cloud of guilt, self-doubt, or shame. It’s confusing. “I thought I’d feel happy!” they say. But when you’ve spent years being blamed for everything, it’s natural for your mind to carry that weight even when you’re finally out.

When I work with people at this stage, one thing becomes clear: thriving isn’t just about physical freedom — it’s about emotional freedom from guilt and old programming that tells you you’re responsible for everyone else’s comfort.

You’ve probably heard that voice:
✨ “Was it really that bad?”
✨ “What if I’m hurting the kids?”
✨ “Maybe he really is changing..”

I want you to know this: those thoughts are not the truth — they’re the residue of someone else’s manipulation. They’re grooves your brain carved out over years of gaslighting and blame. And just like a deep tire track in a muddy road, you can steer out of it — but it takes practice and intention.

One way to think about it is that it’s like changing the station on an old radio. You might default to guilt, because it’s what you’ve always heard playing. But every time you notice it, you can turn the dial. You can replace, “I’m selfish for leaving” with, “I’m safe because I left. I’m protecting myself — and my kids.”

It feels clunky at first, like learning to drive. You’ll stall. You’ll catch yourself in old guilt spirals. That’s normal. Rewiring your brain is not about perfection — it’s about repetition. Every time you choose a new thought, you lay down a new neural pathway that says: “I’m not the villain here. I’m the hero of my story.”

Thriving means giving yourself permission to live free from the lie that you’re bad for wanting more. It means seeing guilt for what it is — a trick your old survival mode uses to keep you small.

One of the bravest shifts you can make is deciding that your freedom doesn’t need everyone’s approval. You don’t need your ex’s validation. You don’t need your mother’s blessing. You don’t need your inner critic’s permission. You get to choose you.

So if you’re feeling stuck in the guilt phase, remember: it’s just an old radio station. You can always turn the dial.

Surviving is brave. Thriving is revolutionary.

And you deserve revolutionary freedom — not just for yourself, but for everyone who comes after you.

🌱 If you’re ready to move from surviving to truly thriving, my program Phoenix Rising will help you practice these mindset shifts step by step, with a community that gets it and tools that work. You don’t have to do this alone — learn more here and let’s rise together.