We don’t talk enough about how divorce impacts older kids and adult children. There’s a pervasive myth that once your kids are out of the house—or close to it—they’re essentially immune to the emotional fallout of divorce. After all, they’re more mature. They get it. They’ll be fine… right?

Not so fast.

In a recent episode of The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, I sat down with one of my favorite parenting experts, Christina McGhee, to unpack the very real and often overlooked emotional toll divorce can take on older kids. Christina is the author of Parenting Apart and one of the most thoughtful, grounded voices in the world of divorce and co-parenting.

Here’s what we want you to know:

Older Kids Aren’t Immune—They’re Overlooked

Parents and professionals alike often assume that because older kids have more cognitive ability, they can just “deal with it.” But as Christina explained, “Emotionally, they’re reeling. I’ve talked to so many older children of divorced parents—and it’s anything but fine.”

And because there’s no parenting plan, no court oversight, and often no set guidelines, parents may think their role is diminished. But our kids never stop needing us to be their parents. That role just evolves—and sometimes gets more complex.

The Myth of the “Best Age” to Divorce

One question both Christina and I hear all the time: “What’s the best age for kids when it comes to divorce?” The truth? There’s no such thing.

Divorce is painful at every developmental stage. What matters more is how we show up. As Christina said, “The question isn’t if it will be hard. The question is how hard do you want it to be?” That’s where intention, presence, and a willingness to hold space come in.

Your Adult Kids Might Be Struggling—and Blaming You

Many of my clients come to me grappling with deep guilt: “I should have left sooner. I exposed them to so much toxicity. And now they’re pulling away or even siding with the other parent.”

First, take a breath. You’re not alone. And yes, your feelings of guilt are valid—but they’re not the whole story.

Christina reminds us that we can’t go back and rewrite history, but we can show up differently now. “Be curious,” she says. “Ask, ‘Can you tell me more about how that was for you?’” You don’t need to fix it. Just listen. And when necessary, circle back and try again.

Don’t Wait to Rebuild the Relationship

If your child is pulling away—or aligning with the unsafe parent—don’t wait for them to “figure it out.” Christina was clear on this: Don’t throw in the towel.

Your silence might feel respectful, but in high-conflict situations, it can actually create more confusion for your kids. They need a safe, grounded counterbalance to the narrative the other parent is spinning. That doesn’t mean throwing your ex under the bus—but it does mean giving your children context. As Christina put it, “Kids need an alternate perception of reality—one that’s not about setting the record straight, but about helping them make sense of what they’re experiencing.”

It’s Not One Conversation—It’s a Lifelong Dialogue

The conversations you have with your children—at any age—are never one-and-done. We revisit. We circle back. We grow as they grow.

Sometimes your child won’t want to talk. That’s okay. You can still say, “When you’re ready, I’ll be here—and I’ll be ready to listen.” And if you’re not sure how to say it? That’s when we bring in the professionals.

Christina and I both spend a lot of time helping parents script these delicate conversations. Because getting the words right can make all the difference.

Final Thought: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect—Just Present

At the end of our conversation, Christina said something that stuck with me:

“Don’t worry so much about having the right words. Just show up, do your best, and if you don’t get it right, you can circle back and try again.”

Divorce isn’t just a legal ending. It’s a family transformation. And whether your kids are 8 or 28, you still have the opportunity to show up for them—in grounded, intentional, loving ways that help them heal.

And if you need help figuring out how to do that? You know where to find me.

—

Resources:

• Learn more about Christina McGhee’s work at divorceandchildren.com
  
  
• Find co-parenting specialists trained by Christina at coparentingspecialist.com
  
  
• Grab my Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle at kateanthony.com/bundle
  
  

You are not alone. And neither are your kids.