I’ve had some conversations with my colleagues lately about the divorce coaching industry, and frankly, we’re all a bit concerned—and you should be too.

The life coaching industry is completely unregulated, which means that anyone can call themselves a life coach—without any training whatsoever. The same is true of divorce coaches. Almost all divorce coaches I know went through a divorce and decided they wanted to help other people do the same. Which is great. But if they don’t have a deep level of training and understanding of all that goes into divorce (beyond their own experience) they are doing their clients an incredible disservice, and putting them in potential danger. Some of these coaches have no training whatsoever and are charging many thousands of dollars because some marketing “expert” told them this is how they’d get a return on the investment they made in said marketing expert’s expensive program. (I’ve been there. It’s enticing—and almost always false.)

Moreover, anyone can create a life coaching certification program or a divorce coaching certification program, take a significant amount of people’s money and brand them “Certified.” Not many people think to ask “By whom?” or “What really goes into this training?” Remember: this is an unregulated industry. There is no state licensure for this (which is a good thing), so the training is completely subjective. Some certification programs last a weekend. Others last 12 weeks. (For context, as you’ll see below, mine lasted years.) 

In fact, many coaches find that making money as a coach is really difficult, so they turn to training and certifying other coaches instead. It’s far easier to sell B2B (business-to-business) than B2C (business-to-consumer). (See the marketing expert example above.) I find this very troubling because if they couldn’t make money as a coach, why would they train others to join an industry in which it’s increasingly difficult to make money? (The answer: to make more money.)

As you may or may not know, I began divorce coaching long before it was a thing. There was no certification for divorce coaching, and no one knew what it was when I began. Some of my colleagues say I was the pioneer of this industry. Whether that is true or not, one thing is for sure: I’ve been doing this a long-ass time, and I’ve got A LOT of training under my belt.

For some background, let me tell you a bit about my training and experience.

• 2012: One year training as a life coach with the top coach training organization in the world, moving through five coaching modalities as client, coach, and observer. During this time I began coaching clients, charging $25/hour, so I could keep learning by doing.
• 2013: Another six months of certification training through the same organization, which included intense supervision (during which supervisors listened to recorded coaching calls and gave feedback and direction on my coaching—for which I now charged $45/hour), oral and written exams.
• 2014: Another year training as a relationship systems coach through an affiliated and highly ranked coach training program that specializes in Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching (relationship coaching based in systems theory, the work of John Gottman, among others). It was in this training that I solidified my desire to help people through their divorces.

(Side note: I’m not a therapist, but many of my therapist friends tell me that because of the depth of my training they basically consider me one. I’m not, but I appreciate their confidence in my work and training.)

After all of this foundational training, I finally got to work building my business and client-base. During this time I was hired by a leading global communications consultancy to coach Fortune 500 executives (think CitiBank, Goldman Sachs, BlackRock, etc.) in communication, presentation skills, and emotional intelligence. 

The more clients I worked with, the more I learned what they needed, which propelled me to go on to become certified as a Co-Parenting Specialist (by Christina McGhee), as a Domestic Violence Victim’s Advocate (by the State of CA through Laura’s House), and as a High Conflict Divorce Coach (by the inimitable Tina Swithin). I’ve also interviewed hundreds of specialists for my podcast, read their books, and collaborated with some of the top professionals in the industry. I also took it upon myself to take classes in becoming trauma-informed, as all of my clients are dealing with a lot of trauma and I didn’t feel I could hold space for them in good conscience without this additional training.

I don’t have a Divorce Coaching Certification because the certification programs cropped up after I’d been in business for many years. I asked some trusted colleagues who’ve taken them if I should (I’m all for additional learning, as you can see!) and they said there wasn’t much in them that I don’t already know and teach and that it likely wouldn’t be worth the $5K price tag. 

One of the things that makes me unique in this industry is the level of training I have as a coach. I don’t see a lot of coach training in divorce coaching certification programs (even in some of the continuing education programs I’ve taken). There’s a lot of information, but not a lot of trauma-informed training in how to support people through one of the most difficult (and most traumatic) times in their lives. 

This troubles me deeply.

Divorce isn’t something to be taken lightly (obviously), so if you’re going to put your trust in someone, please make sure it’s someone who is trained not just in “how to get divorced,” but also as a trauma-informed coach who knows how to help guide you through this incredibly difficult time in your life and help you get to the other side with your emotional safety as their top priority.

And let me be very clear: if you’ve hired someone who doesn’t meet these criteria and feel you’ve not been properly supported, it’s not your fault. This is an industry-wide problem which you couldn’t possibly have known about. That’s why my colleagues and I are going to be talking more about it in the coming months. We hope to shed light and make some changes. 

Thanks for reading. It’s a lot, but it’s important.