March 6th, 2023
Don’t Let THIS Be the Reason You Stay in a Toxic Marriage
Are you trying to decide if you want to leave your toxic marriage?
Maybe you’ve had enough. Enough of…
The controlling behavior.
The explosive outbursts.
The walking on eggshells.
And most of all — that feeling that no matter WHAT you do, it’s never good enough.
You can’t take it anymore. You know you deserve to be treated better. So you finally tell your partner you’re DONE. Your foot is down — and he knows it.
But suddenly, under these stakes, he starts to promise the world to get you to stay.
“I swear I’ll go to therapy!”
“I’ll get sober this time. I promise.”
Listen… DON’T let those promises be the reason you stay.
These are just words. Instead, let his actions be the reason you come back to the relationship — if you come back at all.
Let’s dive into what I mean here…
Don’t let the answer to “should I get a divorce” hinge on your partner’s empty promises.
So when you say you’re leaving a toxic marriage, whether it’s abusive or not, your partner starts panicking. And he responds with BIG promises to “change” in order to keep you around. To keep you in his web.
And let me be real with you…
When you’re an empath or a compassionate person, it’s fucking hard to stand your ground in these situations. You want so badly to believe him. He’s finally, FINALLY, saying all the things you’ve wanted him to say for years.
Your heart is screaming “It’s about damn time!”
In those moments, it can be easy to buy into what he’s saying. “He’s doing everything I ever wanted, so I guess I won’t leave.” Sound familiar?
So many women in your position fall into this trap. They decide to stay and bank on their partner’s potential — potential that has never once been proven.
But when you allow yourself to bank on those empty promises, what’s REALLY happening is this: Your partner is banking on your insecurity and low self-worth to perpetuate the cycle.
And you’re not here for that.
Plus, those partners who promise the world mostly end up not doing shit. I know that’s hard to hear — but I want you to protect yourself from years of this same toxic cycle. You deserve better.
Stick with me and I’ll tell you exactly how to break that cycle.
Should I leave my husband? Here’s how to respond when your partner promises to change.
My recommendation? Stick with your plan. Actually leave. Work on YOU — and just observe what they do over the next few months. If their actions align with their promises, then maybe in 3-6 months you might consider coming back.
So when they hit you with the promises, stand firm and say, “I’m moving ahead with my plan. I hope you do what you’re promising. Let’s see where we’re both at in 6 months.”
If they have taken all the actions and are genuinely doing the work, let that be the reason you return.
But DON’T let those promises be the reason you don’t follow through on your plans.
Should I get back with my ex? Replace that constant worrying with healing and clarity.
During those 3-6 months of separation, I don’t want you to hyper-focus on what your ex is or isn’t doing. Because either way, you’ve got to heal, love.
That means you’ll need to set some serious boundaries. Here are some ideas for healthy boundaries with your partner during separation:
- Unfollow your ex on social media.
- Ensure you each have your own space so you’re not physically around each other.
- Unless you have kids together and need to, don’t contact him.
- Don’t lean on him for emotional support.
Focus on strengthening your personal support system and processing your own wounds. Focus on YOU and YOUR life.
It’s time to put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror.
I’ve been walking women through divorce for over a decade. I’ve seen them come out of the most volatile marriages and truly heal so they could finally build their life on THEIR terms.
To get there, they all did the same things for themselves. Here’s what they did to turn things around and what you can do, too…
1. Find someone who has been there to guide you (oh, hey!)
When you’re building your support system outside of your ex, your friends and family are a great start. But unless they’ve been through what you’re experiencing, the most they can do is love you through it — and yes, that’s important, too.
But they won’t have the context to help guide you to the other side in one piece. Right now, you need support from someone with relevant wisdom and experience. And having endured a toxic marriage myself, I have plenty of that to go around.
In fact, it’s my life’s passion to share what I’ve learned with women like you. As a certified Co-Parenting Specialist, Domestic Violence Advocate, Professional CoActive Coach, and Relationship Systems Coach, I’m uniquely equipped to lead you on this journey. And I can’t wait to hear your story.
2. Wrap yourself in a supportive community.
There’s no denying it — community is essential to healing. You may be so overwhelmed that you just want to lay in bed and pull the covers over your head. But denying yourself the connection you need will only prolong your pain.
“We don’t heal in isolation, but in community.”
– S. Kelley Harrell
You deserve to be seen and held. Your experience deserves to be validated. Find women who are on the same journey as you. Find a safe space to share your story.
Not sure where to look? My Facebook community is full of supportive women who are contemplating, going through, or recovering from divorce. And we would love to have you.
3. Learn the tools and techniques to heal.
When you’re recovering from a toxic relationship, there are a shit ton of roadblocks to navigate. Healing from betrayal… grief… just to name a few. And those roadblocks can be crippling without the right tools.
Now is the time to get really grounded in who you are. This takes time, focus, and intention. Although it asks a lot of you, your dedication to personal development work will result in a lifetime of confidence.
I know… you’ve got a lot on your mind. It probably feels overwhelming to think about equipping yourself to heal. But I’ve made it easy for you! I’ve combined all three of these essential keys to healing in ONE place…
I invite you to join my program, Grit & Grace. I designed this community coaching experience so you could uncover the empowerment, strength, and unshakeable clarity you need to move through this time of intense transition.
You won’t find this kind of support in any other program. You don’t have to do this alone. Click here to join!